Dearka of Past, Present and Future
by melissabann
Summary: While in the ARCHANGEL's prison Dearka is visited by three ghost. Each one has a message about either his past, present or future. They want him to change his ways, but is he too stubborn to do so, or will they show him exactly what he needs? Inspired by "A Christmas Carol", although not Christmas themed.


Dearka held his hand firmly on his head as he looked at the ceiling. The pain of being cut still hadn't faded. He thought of the girl who had done it to him. He wanted to hate her for attacking him, but she also saved his life. This caused an internal battle in his head. Where should he stand when it came to this girl? Should he hate her for causing him to bleed or should he be grateful for her saving him. She did come to see if he was ok. That should count for something right? And when he offered his life up to her she just walked away. Maybe the girl wasn't so bad.

He rolled on his side. His eyes looking around the cold empty room. He was lonely. Maybe even a bit scared. He didn't know how long he was going to be here or what would happen to him when they finally reached Alaska. But for now he could think of that. He needed to think of happy thoughts and get some much needed rest. He slowly closed his eyes and tired to go to sleep.

"You going to sleep all day Elsman?"

" _That voice!"_ He thought. He open his eyes to see his empty cell once more. " _Was that all in my head?"_ He wondered as he stood up. He walked over to the bars where the girl had been standing earlier. He looked up and down the halls but there was no one there.

"Over here" The voice said again. Slowly Dearka turned around to look at the once empty room. Instead to find a ZAFT soldier leaning against the wall. His blonde hair, brown eyes and green uniform were undeniable. He knew immediately who this was.

"Miguel Aiman! No… i-it's not possible. You're dead! You died months ago"

"Nothing gets past you Elsman, you right I am dead."

"So I'm dreaming?"

"You could say that… but then again you'd be wrong." Dearka looked at him confused. "Call it a cosmic intervention if you want."

"Cosmic Intervention?" He said unenthused. "You've got to be kidding me!"

"You're heading towards a crossroads Elsman. A point where the decisions you make will have a grande impact on the future."

"I'm a soldier, don't the decisions I make always impact future one way or another?"

"Not like this." He said seriously. "As it stands now you're going to make the wrong choice, and as a result millions will die, naturals will virtually cease to exist." Dearka looked at him shocked but skeptical.

"Like hell I would make a choice like that. I'm not exactly into genocide."

"Someday soon, you will have the chance to let the ARCHANGEL be destroyed or turn against ZAFT forever and save it. Tell me Elsman, right now what you chose?"

"I'm a ZAFT soldier, the ARCHANGEL is and always will be my enemy" He stated quickly.

"I know" Miguel replied as he pushed himself off the wall and walked towards him. "And that is why I'm here. Tonight you will be visited by three others just like me, victims of the death this war brings. They will help you to see the truth. The truth of who you were, who are and who you could be."

"What the hell are you talking about!"

"You'll see" He replied as walked straight thru Dearka. Dearka felt nothing but cold. He quickly turned around to take one last look but he was gone.

"What the hell was that?" He asked himself out loud as he headed back to his bed. He sat down and looked towards his feet. The room was silent as he contemplated what Miguel had said. Could he really be somehow responsible for genocide if he let the ARCHANGEL be destroyed? Feeling his head wound sting again he placed his hand on it to apply pressure.

"Head wounds hurt like a bitch don't they" He heard another voice say. Dearka's eyes opened wide as he looked at the new figure in front of him. "Course how I really know? I died before I could ever feel the pain of the bullet that went into mine." he joked.

"Rusty!" He exclaimed standing up. The redheaded boy was looking back at him with his dark blue eyes. Dearka couldn't believe what he was seeing. "Dammit! Don't tell me you're another one of those?

"Another one of what?"

"Things like whatever that Miguel was"

"If you mean a guide through the crossroads then sorry, I guess I am one of those" Dearka looked unimpressed hearing this. "Allow me to introduce my purpose for you. I Rusty Mackenzie am here to show you the guy you use to be"

"What do you mean the guy I used to be?"

Rusty looked at him and smiled before snapping his fingers. Suddenly the prison cell disappeared and he found himself in his old bedroom looking at himself writing a letter at his desk. He was shocked. "Do you remember this?" Rusty asked.

"Y-yes."

"What were you writing?" He asked.

"A letter to my parents. I wanted to become a soldier but I knew they would never approve. So I wrote them a letter apologizing and the next day I disappeared on them. I joined the military and there was nothing they could do to get me out, even with my father being a council member."

"Do you remember why you wanted to join?"

Dearka thought for a moment like it was almost difficult to remember now. "I… wanted to make a difference. I wanted to fight so that others didn't have to. I believed that as a son of the council I had no right to just stand back and watch. I needed to set an example for all. I needed to be a leader."

"Is that still how you feel? Is that still why you fight?" He asked.

"I… don't know. I guess things changed in the academy." As soon as he said the word academy their surroundings changed to be that of the ZAFT academy itself. This time he was getting his picture taken with his comrades. They were finally graduating.

"We were taught so much in those days. Pieces of ourselves destroyed and taken away without us knowing. Our ideals were changed to follow theirs. The reasons we joined didn't matter anymore. All that matter were the things ZAFT told us."

"Maybe, but isn't that the way all soldiers are. They make the decision to join and then they become a tool of the military."

"Do you think that is how that girl is?"

"What girl?" Rusty smiled and they were transported again this time to a place he didn't recognize. "Where are we?" He looked and noticed they were standing next to a gazebo. There inside was a young man typing at his computer.

" _Kira!"_ He heard a young man yell. He and a young woman were approaching. _"So this is where you are hanging out. Professor Kato has been trying to get a hold of you"_

 _"What again?"_ The young man named Kira said.

 _"He asked us to bring you to him right away"_ The girl said. Dearka looked at her for a moment before realizing it was her, the girl from the ARCHANGEL. _"Are you assisting him on something else?"_

"What the hell is going on here?" Dearka asked. When he spoke the world around them froze. "Why did you bring me here? Why to her?"

"Do you know what day this was?" Rusty asked.

"How the hell am I supposed to know." He snapped.

"This was the last day this girl was safe. Right now she is a student in Heliopolis." Dearka looked at him. He didn't know what to think. "She has many friends and lives a happy life. She worries about the war but living in a neutral nation she believes that the war will stay far away from her. But because of us that security is stole away from her. This is the day we attacked and attempted to steal the G-weapons."

"The day you died." Dearka said sadly.

"Yes. After today she would lose her home. The Earth Alliance will take her as a prisoner until she decides to volunteer to fight. Her only reasoning is to protect her friends so they can all make it out alive. She fights we no real training. Only what they can manage to teach her between attacks."

"I don't get it. What are you trying to tell me."

"Do you feel guilty for what happened to her? Do you feel responsible?"

"Maybe I'm indirectly responsible for it, but why should I feel guilty. Why feel bad for her?" He demanded. He looked at Rusty angry. But Rusty just shook his head. Everything went black and started to fade away Dearka went to yell but no sound came out. Finally the blackness left the room as he realized he was back in his cell lying in his bed. He felt scared. He sat up and shook his head. Feeling the bandages loosening he removed them. Being a coordinator healing was fast. It had been a bit more than 24 hours since he was attacked and it was healed enough to be bandage free.

"You look confused"

He jumped hearing the voice but chose not to look over. "Nicol… "

"You didn't like what he showed you?"

"What is it that you want from me?"

"I want you to make the right choice"

"They killed you!" Dearka yelled. "They took Miguel, Rusty and you. They scared Yzak's face. Who knows what happened with Athrun. He could be dead too for all I know. But you want me to save them, when I could have a chance to watch them die."

"Is that what you really want. To see her die?" Dearka felt his heart skip a beat for some reason hearing that. "Guessing by your reaction you never thought of that. She is a soldier here on this ship. If it was to ever go down she would die."

"Why the hell should I care about that" He yelled. "She's the enemy"

"She saved your life. Don't you owe her the same."

"She tried to kill me"

"Grief is a horrible thing." The room around them changed from his cell back to his bedroom at home. He found himself sitting up on his bed. Hearing crying he looked over. There crying with her head on the mattress was his mother clenching a letter in her hand.

"Mother…" He said sadly. "What's wrong with her."

"Right now your mother just read a letter. A similar one to the one mine was given. It's telling her that her son is MIA, but what it really tells her is that her son has been killed by the enemy."

"Why isn't father comforting her. She shouldn't be alone right now!" He said angry.

"Your father is off to a council meeting. They are voting for who will be the chairman. An important vote that he and my father are about to filp."

"What? You can't possibly mean..."

"They are going to vote for Zala over Clyne. These votes will cause Siegel Clyne to lose."

"Our fathers would never vote for a radical like Patrick Zala. They are neutral. They don't believe in the same things as he does." He snapped.

"That was before. After my death my father changed his views. And now, your father feels the same. To them the naturals took away someone they love, that can't be forgiven. After all we are their children. They failed to protect us and they feel responsible for that. So here your mother is, crying alone, because her life as she knows it is forever changed."

Dearka stood up and tried to hug his mother. He knew she wasn't really there but part of him still wanted to comfort her. As he reached out his surroundings changed and the woman he tried to hold turned into a young girl weeping alone in a room of the ARCHANGEL. It was that same girl. The one the previous entity had shown him. Dearka listened to her crying and didn't know what to do.

"Why did you bring me here?" He whispered sadly. Why are you making me listen to a bunch of woman crying.

"Does it bother you to see this, to see her crying."

"The last time I saw this chick cry she attacked me, so yeah, hearing her bothers me."

He was kneeling on the floor next to her when the doors opened. Inside walked the young man who had pulled her off of him. " _That was unpleasant?"_ He said to the girl as he walked in.

" _What are they going to do with me?"_ She asked concerned.

" _Well you did try to kill their prisoner and they have a strict no violence against prisoners rule. Then there is the fact that you left your room when you were told to remain inside. Where did you go anyways?"_

" _I went to see him…"_

" _That guy!"_ He said shocked. " _But why?"_

" _I needed to know he was okay."_ Dearka looked at her surprised. " _I hurt him. I couldn't stand the thought of someone suffering because of me."_

" _It's not your fault it's all bec-"_

" _Do you think I made a mistake becoming a soldier?"_

" _Why would you ask that?"_

" _Just… something he said. He told me I had no business being a soldier."_

" _None of us should have been soldiers. But at the time it was the best decision for survival. But now we just have to live with that decision. With all our decisions"_

" _My punishment?"_

" _There won't be any, not this time. You may have tried to kill him but you also saved his life. I don't know if that guy would agree but the Captain is deciding to ignore the incident all together."_

The world froze around him once again. "Do you agree with the Captain's decision?" Nicol asked. "Or do you want her to be punished for what she did to you?"

Dearka thought for a moment. He could see her grief. It was the same as his mother's. Both crying over someone who was MIA, someone they believed had to be dead. If his own mother had done something like this he would fight for her to be forgiven, so maybe he should feel the same way about this girl. "Let me guess you want me to say I forgive her. But what make you think she the one that needs forgiving. The things I said to her, I deserved what I got."

Nicol just smiled and laughed a bit of a happy laugh before everything went black again. Dearka kept his eyes closed. Three. Miguel told him there would be three of them to come. Two had already visited him and he was fearful of who the third would be. So far all he had been visited by was those he fought with, those he lost. So who would be next? Did Athrun die in that battle or has Yzak lost his life since. Taking a deep breath he opened his eyes but the room was empty.

He stood up and looked around the room. No one was there. He walked over to the bars and looked up and down the hall but no one was there. "Where are you!" He yelled. "I know you're here somewhere! Dammit! What else are you going to show me you bastards? You going to show me the genocide you think I create? My death! What!"

The room changed and shifted and he found himself in a church. He was at a wedding sitting among the guests. He looked around and saw a mix of uniforms. ZAFT, EA and Orb union soldiers filled the room. He had never been more confused all night. "You feel lost don't you" Someone beside him said. He looked over and there was you guy with brown wavy hair. He was wearing an EA uniform.

"Who are you?"

"My name? It's Tolle, Tolle Koenig"

"Y-you're… That girl's boyfriend" He said surprised. "Why you? What is it you need to show me?"

"I'm here to show you the man you could be." He said looking up to the front of the church. Dearka followed his gaze only to see an older version of himself standing there looking nervous but excited. He was wearing a black ZAFT uniform and whispering to the young men next to him. Beside him were three other soldiers. Two were in white ZAFT uniforms while the other was in an Orb union uniform. He recognized them to be Yzak, Athrun and the boy from the girl's past, Kira. But what surprised him was that Athrun was the one in the Orb uniform.

"I don't understand. I'm getting married? You're like the ghost of the future right? Aren't you suppose to show me what happens if I make the wrong choice?"

"No" He replied simply. "Miguel already told you what would happen if you made the wrong choice. I'm here to show you what would happen if you make the right choice."

Dearka was about to question him when music began to play. The crowd became silent as three beautiful women came walking down the aisle. A blonde, a brunette and a young woman he knew, Lacus Clyne. They were the bridesmaid of his future wife. As the music changed he and the rest of them stood to welcome the bride. She walked down the aisle capturing the attention of both Dearkas, future and present. He face was covered with a veil. When she reached the front her father flipped the veil over her head, revealing her face as he kissed her cheek and handed her off to her groom.

"No… that's not possible!" Dearka yelled angry and confused. It was _her_ the girl from the ARCHANGEL. The natural whom's life he sent down an unhappy dangerous path.

"You asked me why I am the one who is visiting you now. The truth is if you choose to save the ARCHANGEL you will spend the next year fighting my memory. You worry she won't forget me and it ruins your relationship, but that only lasts for so long."

"Relationship? Are you insane? I would never date a natural never mind marry one, especially _her_!"

"Your skepticism is understandable." He heard himself say. He watched as Tolle faded. Turning he saw the world froze as his future self walked towards him. "If someone told me someday I would marry the woman of my dreams and she would be a natural I would tell them they were crazy. But now… I can't imagine life without her. She has shown me a world of happiness I never knew was possible. I'm not going to tell you this is your future. There are many paths you can follow. Some she will be your bride, others she could be a distant memory. But whatever path you end up following you can't let the ARCHANGEL fall."

"Don't tell me you think I would be responsible for the end of the naturals."

"It will happen. But that is beside the point." His future self looked him in the eyes with a serious look. "I know you, hell once upon a time I was you. You follow orders without question all the time, but that was not the guy who joined ZAFT. You were happy once. You made your own choices before. Now is the time for you to do it once again. You are a prisoner, believed by many to be dead. Your slate is clean. Taint it. Not with their blood, but the blood of your reputation."

"You're honestly telling me this is what you want? She is a natural!"

"And that matters to you?"

"It doesn't to you"

"Look at her" He said as they both looked at her. "She is beautiful am I right?"

"So what if she is!"

"She is also smart, funny and passionate. She is loyal and honest. Really any amazing quality a woman can have she posses. Why wouldn't I want her."

"Past, present and future, everytime it you all show me her! Why?!"

"Simple" He replied. "But that is for you to figure out on your own." Dearka wanted to demand more but everything went black. The night of disturbances was over. Was it finally time for him to get some real sleep?

He took a deep relaxing breath as his strange night started to fade. He opened his eyes and looked around the room was empty. He closed his eyes as his mind flooded with questions. Most of which were about the girl. Could he really choice to betray ZAFT in order to save her? Or would he make the wrong choice. Only time would tell.

 **A/N: Just a random idea I had after watching some Christmas movies. Maybe not the best thought out but it was interesting to write.**


End file.
